My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
