I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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