THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
