My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
