I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
