when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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