Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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