Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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