Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How does one acquire holy water?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize