no you cant smoke seaweed
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
