We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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