is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
