piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
NoShamevember. You game?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize