He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
