What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize