I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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