We're facebook friends in real life
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
