D3 body, D1 cock
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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