Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
