Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
