This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
