Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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