Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
