After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
