I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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