Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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