I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
