What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
