I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
