Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
