The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
