and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
