Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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