cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
