Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
