All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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