god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
