apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
