OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
