am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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