There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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