When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
