Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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