Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
