I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
