3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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