walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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