he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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