when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
