So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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