i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
love makes seman taste better
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
