suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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