this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
