You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
