i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
