i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
3 2 1 whiskey
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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