I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
