He disabled his match.com account in front of me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
