we're making bets on your personal life
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
