How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
