Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
