Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
