Where did you get a picture of my penis
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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