I must be too annoying 4 u.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
