I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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