never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
