I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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