I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
