you would pick up someone in the library
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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