fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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