im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
