My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just gift wrapped bread.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize