The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
