Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
