I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
