So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
