I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
